I find myself thinking of Beelin Sayadaw on nights when the effort to stay disciplined feels solitary, dull, and entirely disconnected from the romanticized versions of spirituality found online. I'm unsure why Beelin Sayadaw haunts my reflections tonight. It might be due to the feeling that everything has been reduced to its barest form. Inspiration and sweetness are absent; what remains is a dry, constant realization that the practice must go on regardless. The silence in the room is somewhat uneasy, as if the space itself is in a state of anticipation. My back’s against the wall, not straight, not terrible either. Somewhere in between. That seems to be the theme.
Beyond the Insight Stages: The Art of Showing Up
When people talk about Burmese Theravāda, they usually highlight intensity or rigor or insight stages, all very sharp and impressive-sounding. However, the version of Beelin Sayadaw I know from anecdotes and scattered records seems much more understated. Less about fireworks, more about showing up and not messing around. There is no theater in his discipline, which makes the work feel considerably more demanding.
The hour is late—1:47 a.m. according to the clock—and I continue to glance at it despite its irrelevance. My thoughts are agitated but not chaotic; they resemble a bored dog pacing a room, restless yet remaining close. I become aware of the tension in my shoulders and release it, yet they tighten again almost immediately. Typical. I feel the usual pain in my lower back, the one that arrives the moment the practice ceases to feel like a choice and starts to feel like work.
The No-Negotiation Mindset
I imagine Beelin Sayadaw as a teacher who would be entirely indifferent to my mental excuses. Not in a cold way. Just… not interested. Practice is practice. Posture is posture. Precepts are precepts. Do them. Or don’t. The only requirement is to be honest with yourself, a perspective that slices through my internal clutter. I waste a vast amount of energy in self-negotiation, attempting to ease the difficulty or validate my shortcuts. Discipline doesn’t negotiate. It just waits.
I missed a meditation session earlier today, justifying it by saying I was exhausted—which was a fact. I also claimed it was inconsequential, which might be true, though not in the way I intended. That minor lack of integrity stayed with me all night—not as guilt, but as a persistent mental static. Reflecting on Beelin Sayadaw forces that static into the spotlight—not for judgment, but for clear observation.
The Weight of Decades: Consistency as Practice
There’s something deeply unsexy about discipline. No insights to post read more about. No emotional release. It is nothing but a cycle of routine and the endless repetition of basic tasks. Sit down. Walk mindfully. Label experiences. Follow the precepts. Rest. Rise. Repeat. I can picture Beelin Sayadaw inhabiting that rhythm, not as an abstract concept, but as his everyday existence. He lived it for years, then decades. That level of dedication is almost frightening.
My foot has gone numb and is now tingling; I choose to let it remain as it is. My mind is eager to narrate the experience, as is its habit. I don't try to suppress it. I just don't allow myself to get caught up in the narrative, which feels like the heart of the practice. It is not about forcing the mind or giving in to it; it is about a steady, unwavering firmness.
The Point is the Effort
I realize I’ve been breathing shallow for a while. The chest loosens on its own when I notice. No big moment. Just a small adjustment. That’s how discipline works too, I think. Success doesn't come from dramatic shifts, but from tiny, consistent corrections that eventually take root.
Reflecting on Beelin Sayadaw doesn't excite me; instead, it brings a sense of sobriety and groundedness. It leaves me feeling anchored and perhaps a bit vulnerable, as if my justifications have no power here. In a strange way, that is deeply reassuring; there is relief in abandoning the performance of being "spiritual," in simply doing the work in a quiet, flawed manner, without anticipation of a spectacular outcome.
The night keeps going. The body keeps sitting. The mind keeps wandering and coming back. Nothing flashy. Nothing profound. Just this steady, ordinary effort. And maybe that’s exactly the point.